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Jokes
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my buddy Matt. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the most bizarre dream the night before last. Matt listened intently as I told him that the dream consisted of one thing and one thing only. So I told him that all I had dreamt about was a huge glowing number "5." It was made of gold and sparkled with diamonds.
Matt's curiosity was peaked. I went on to say that the first thing that I did in the morning was to grab the daily racing digest and look up the fifth race.
Matt raised an eyebrow. So I told him that the #5 horse in the fifth race was named "The Fifth Element." Matt started grinning. Then I told Matt point-by-point what I did that day.
- I ate five bowls of cereal for breakfast and drank five cups of coffee
- I went for a five mile jog to clear my head
- I took a five minute shower
- I dressed in the fifth suit I found in my closet
- I sat in my car for five minutes before starting it up
- I drove to the racetrack and parked in the fifth stall in the fifth row
- I entered through the fifth admissions gate
- I bought five programs
- I went to the fifth betting window and bet $555 on the fifth horse in the fifth race
- I went and sat in the fifth row of the bleachers making sure there were five people sitting on either side of me.
I settled in and waited for the race to start.
"Well," said Matt. "Did the horse win?" he looked at Matt and said, "Stupid horse came in fifth."Two friends, Smith and Jones, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for his friend. Jones quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Smith coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Jones," said Smith, "how'd you do?" "Well, Smith", said Jones, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Smith, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you-you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"A Man Wins the Lottery A man rushes INTO his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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